Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
