I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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