did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
