I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
