id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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