i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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