so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
