I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
