why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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