so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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