Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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