Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
