i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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