Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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