Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
