i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
