Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
