The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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