Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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