M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
