i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
