How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
