whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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