Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
