no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
