walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
