Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
