Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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