omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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