I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
