Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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