I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
