Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
