I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
