Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
