5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
