No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
