I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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