AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
