Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
