Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
