just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
