sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
