Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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