I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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