I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize