I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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