my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize