why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
