His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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