Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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