walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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