I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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