No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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