Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
