My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize