I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
