Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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