Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
