He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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