My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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