Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
