I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
