awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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