Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
